Addie
by lilypilots90
Summary: It's been thirty years since it happened. Thirty years of guilt, pain, sadness, and anguish. Thirty years ago they lost their daughter. Thirty years ago a part of each died right along with Addie. AU.


It's been thirty years since it happened. Thirty years of guilt, pain, sadness, and anguish. Thirty years ago they lost their daughter. Thirty years ago a part of each died right along with Addie. Everything fell apart on September 20th 2011. It took them nearly ten years to get past it but they did.

The day began much like any other.

At twenty-five Rachel Puckerman never thought her life would end up like this. Her dreams of Broadway were a distant memory, replaced instead with the reality of being a wife and mother. Sure she had become an actress in her own right. She and Noah had both reached their dreams. They were for all intense and purposes America's sweethearts. She was the good girl actress from Lima, Ohio and he was her bad boy rock star high school sweetheart. Right out of high school they married and moved to Los Angeles, both lucky and talented they immediately began to work and became successful. People were curious about them, what their life was like, how they made the relationship work. In interviews when they were asked how their answer was always the same "we never give up on each other".

So it came as no surprise when Rachel announced she was pregnant. Addison Marie Puckerman was born just two years after the couple began to work and to say that little Addie was their entire world would be an understatement. They worked hard to give their daughter everything she could ever want or need. She was in short everything to them.

They continued to work, gain more fame, earn more money, and become even bigger stars. But the couple their star was little Addie. She was never left alone; either Rachel or Noah was with her at all times. They had a strict rule that one of them always had to be home with Addie.

September 20th arrived just like any other day. Rachel awoke; she went down stairs to start on breakfast for she and Addie. Noah was in New York for the week on the last leg of his promotional tour for his latest record. They had decided that after his tour was finished they would take a year off and try for another baby. Life was looking good.

"Addie sweetie it's time to get up" said Rachel as she entered her daughters princess themed bedroom.

"Can I just skip school today and spend the day with you? Please!" said Addie as she hopped off her bed and hugged her mother.

"Nope, sorry kiddo you have to go to school."

And so the morning went. As Rachel was strapping Addie in to her car seat she was making a mental list of the things she would be getting at the store once she dropped Addie off. They were on their way, when Addie asked her mother to put on Noah's newest record. Rachel was at a stop light looking for the cd when out of the corner of her eye she saw it. A car coming directly onto them.

She doesn't remember much about the accident, she doesn't even remember the ambulance getting to them, although she is told that she kept repeating "Addie, Addie, Addie" to the paramedics. All she remembers is waking up, the first face she saw was Noah's, her first word was "Addie", and the moment she wished she had died came when he told her their little girl had died on impact.

They tell her to calm down, "breathe Rachel just breathe", her injuries are still serious; "try to relax" they tell her. She can't, her daughter is dead and she wants' die right along with her. Noah just stands there, tears rolling down his face.

They sedate her, she doesn't fall asleep, simply lies in bed, Noah holding her hand. She asks him "how long ago was the accident" he answers "three weeks". "You buried her already" she states he answers "yes". Then silence.

Rachel doesn't speak for five days, refuses to eat, and just lays in bed tears constantly rolling down her cheeks. Her fathers, Noah's mother, and friends come and visit her. They are met with silence. She has simply decided not to live.

On the fifth day Noah looks at her, after she has refused yet another meal and tells her that she can't die. If she dies as well so will he. She looks at him, really looks at him for the first time since waking up from the coma. Her first words are "I want to go see her".

She starts to eat again; she is told that unless she is nourished she will not be released. So she does her best, she wants to go see her daughter. On October 3rd they get on a private plane, lent by a director friend, to Lima.

She is still in a large amount of physical pain and although she knows that pain will fade with time, the pain in her heart will not.

As they sit on her grave site Rachel says that she has to be near her daughter. Noah agrees, they make the arrangements and move back to Lima. The first few months are quiet. Neither says much, Rachel refuses to work. Noah needs work, to keep sane. He starts to write music, he begins recording music, the record, he decides, will be titled Addie.

Months turn into a year and all of a sudden they are no longer silent, rather they are loud. They argue constantly. Rachel, accuses him of moving on, he is beginning to promote the new album. Noah tells her she needs to join the land of the living, she needs to slow down on the wine, and she needs to start to be herself again. Rachel says that version of herself died right along with Addie. As she says this Noah thinks to himself that she is right.

Through all the pain, anger, and frustration the two experience they never leave, never walk out. They stay together and never give up on each other.

It's been five years since Addie's death. They are still in Lima; Rachel visits her grave every day. Noah takes care of Rachel and continues to make great music. He's won ten Grammys; Rachel refused to attend the ceremonies. She is no longer drinking but won't go back to acting. Noah's fed up, he asks her why? She says she can't leave their little girl alone. And so their deal continues. When Rachel works Noah is home, he visits Addie's grave site every day, brings her flowers, talks to her and when Noah works Rachel takes on these tasks.

It's been ten years, they are thirty-five. Have they moved on? Yes, to some extent. Career wise, they are both on top Grammys, Oscars, Tony's, Emmy's and countless other awards are stored away in their home. Family wise? Their marriage is strong; they have persevered and gotten through the greatest pain any person could endure. Noah is ready for another child, and so over dinner in their home in Lima he mentions this to Rachel. Her only words are whispered "I can't replace her". He answers "neither can I".

It takes them five months. Rachel isn't feeling well, she has been sick for weeks. Noah suspects a pregnancy but if anything he knows Rachel can't be pushed into anything. So he waits, he waits for her to accept this new addition, he waits for her to get past her fear of replacing their little girl. It's on a rainy Lima day that Rachel gets back from the doctor; Noah was supposed to be at the studio for a few more hours so she is surprised to see him. She tells him she's two months pregnant.

The pregnancy is an easy one, and on December 20th, 2021 Noah Alexander Puckerman enters the world. Alex is a sweet baby and he is the light of their lives. Three years after later Ava Elise Puckerman enters the world. That pregnancy was difficult. Rachel was thirty-eight, her blood pressure to high; it was a frightening nine months for everyone.

And so the lives of Noah and Rachel Puckerman continue. Addie remains a part of their lives, they continue to visit her grave, and they tell Alex and Ava all about their older sister whom they grow to love. The couple continues with their careers, they learn to be happy again.

Happiness for Noah and Rachel does not mean that she still does not wake up some nights in tears, nor does it mean that he no longer sits in a chair for hours on end just staring at nothing but thinking of everything that could have been.

Before they know it thirty years have passed, in their fifty's now they have learned to live with the pain of losing their child. They have learned to see joy in life by watching their children Alex and Ava experience all of those milestones Addie never had, prom, graduation, college move-in day are filled with joy but still bitter sweet. They no longer visit her grave every day. It took the couple fifteen years but they can now go a few days without visiting their Addie, although leaving Lima is not an option. And so it happens that thirty years have come and gone, tears and anger, sadness and pain dominated much of that time but they endured it together. They continue to endure it together. Because as they used to tell and continue to tell reporters they "never give up on each other".


End file.
